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How to self-love

How to self-love By Erin Kyna, Erin Kyna Life Coaching Self-love is not a destination. It is an action. My journey from self-loathing to self-love has been a big one, but it has be...

How to self-love

How to self-love
By Erin Kyna, Erin Kyna Life Coaching

Self-love is not a destination. It is an action.

My journey from self-loathing to self-love has been a big one, but it has been worth it. I made a firm commitment to myself to keep changing, and it actually changed more quickly than I thought could be possible. Now I would never dream of speaking to myself negatively, or making choices that hurt me.

My personal definition of self-love is:

“The constant commitment to choosing a higher thought, word, and action towards myself”.

It’s not about always choosing the highest, but something higher. Sometimes when we are feeling low, or unloved, the idea of the highest self-love feels so foreign and distant. When we take a small step, in every thought, word, and action, the result is cumulative. If you can just choose one thing higher each time, you will look back and be astounded at how far you have come.

Here are my top five ways to increase self-love:


This one is a biggie. And it can sometimes trigger a strong response in my clients about their ability to achieve it. I know that it is possible. Our negative self-talk is the biggest contributor to low self-love. Perhaps someone said something to you once to trigger you, but how many times since then have you replayed that moment over and over in your head, or even repeated the same words to yourself? We torture ourselves with our self-talk. Every time you are aware of the negative self-talk, stop it in its tracks, and replace it with, “I love and accept myself, unconditionally, right now”. It might feel untrue to start with, but ‘fake it ‘till you make it’, and you’ll be surprised with how powerful it is.


Any time you feel bad, no matter what has happened, any time you don’t feel like you are in a space of self-love, place your hand on your heart and silently say, “I forgive you”. You made a mistake at work, “Erin, I forgive you”. You said something that came out wrong, “Erin, I forgive you”. You didn’t go to the gym today when you know you should have, “Erin, I forgive you”. You ate too much chocolate,  “Erin, I forgive you”. You fell back into negative self-talk “Erin, I forgive you”. To love our self, is to be compassionate with our self, so show yourself the same kindness and consideration that you would show someone you deeply love.


What we resist persists. If we are not giving space to feel our emotions, they start to fester inside, becoming larger than they are, and worse than they seem, and can even manifest in illness. When we give space to our emotions, to truly feel them, they move, much more quickly than you think. This might mean sitting in meditation and tuning in to the energy in your body, it might be journaling for ten minutes non-stop, it might be speaking to a loved one, or coach, or counselor. Getting thoughts and feelings out of your body and your mind will give you perspective, and sometimes just saying something out loud, or writing it down, takes the power out of it. Of course, I am not saying wallow in it, but acknowledge it, feel it, and move on.


Ten minutes a day, just for you. This might be a long shower, a meditation, or you might just want to shave your legs. Work out what activities fill your cup, and make a commitment to them. Especially important for mums, is making time to give back to you. Work out what ten minutes of the day are best for you, and easiest to commit to, and schedule it like an appointment that you can’t miss. Making yourself accountable will also strengthen your commitment.


This is the single biggest thing I did to transform my body hate, into body love. For a long time I hated my body and felt like it would never look how I wanted it to look. Our body is not here for its aesthetics; it is here for its functionality. It is meant to work for us. Most of us are blessed with fully functional bodies, and don’t appreciate them. Each day, either while soaping in the shower, or moisturising afterwards, tell your body parts why you love them. Focus on their functionality, not their looks. “Thank you arms, for letting me hug the people I love today”. “Thank you legs for letting me practice Yoga today”. “Thank you belly for letting me enjoy that chocolate today”. Our cells will physiologically react to the positive intention. Check out Dr Emoto’s scientific research on the effect of intention on water, and when you recognise that you are 80% water, you will realise that every positive intention you send into your body is ACTUALLY changing it!

Make the commitment today, that you will choose a higher thought, word and action towards yourself every day.


Erin is an accredited Life Coach. Erin says, "it is my passion to help people transform their lives. Find that sense of who you really are and to live that proudly. I want you to radiate who you are out of every cell of your being. I want you to have passion and purpose about all that you do....". Find out more about Erin at

Nourish Melbourne is also proud to have Erin Kyna Life Coaching a part of the Nourish Melbourne Community and Membership Program. Nourish Melbourne Members receive $100 off Erin's three-month coaching package, plus a free 30 minute consultation. Find out more about becoming a Nourish Melbourne Member here.